Writing Exactly 100 Words Is Harder Than You Think
by unmemeurdreams
Summary: A small prompt-based ficlet collection of various lengths/pairings/characters (mostly Yamazaki/Shinpachi) *Updated!*
1. Chapter 1

**WARNING: Spoilers for Silver Soul Arc.** Don't read if you haven't caught up yet!

Title: Everyone Forgets Their Classmates The Day After Their Graduation  
Prompt: 'Post-mortem appreciation'  
Rating: K+  
Pairing: None  
Length: 156 words

Notes: I guess it's 'appreciation' in a way... lol. I managed to throw in a small nod to a couple things: Hijikata giving up smoking post-Silver Soul Arc, and Yamazaki being forgotten. (This ficlet's premise is based on the canon detail of Gintoki being the one to carry Yamazaki's body away after the battle with Utsuro.)

* * *

It's finally over. It's a while before people start to accept it, before the adrenaline still left in their bodies dies down and everyone slowly regroups.

They're tending to the wounds of their comrades and commander when the perm-head comes over and hucks the body off his shoulder without a word. When they ignore him and start taking their leave, his eyebrows perk.

"Oi, oi. You're leaving him behind?"

Hijikata's voice is as harsh as ever, but he doesn't show his expression. "If you die a meaningless death, then it's meaningless to be remembered."

Gintoki's past flashes before him and his body jerks with secondhand rage instinctively, his hand on his sword-

"It's best to forget about everything now. If we want to keep walking forward, that's what we have to do." A cigarette drops to the ground, followed by the whole box, stride barely hesitating for a second.

"...That's how he would feel, too, Yorozuya."


	2. Chapter 2

Title: It's Twice As Gay If You Say No Homo  
Prompt: M/M to het  
Rating: T  
Pairing: Dekobokko arc f!Yamazaki/Shinpachi  
Length: 351 words

Notes: This takes place during the period in Dekobokko Arc where everyone has to live with their changed bodies for a while. Also, Fem!Zaki is a cute.

* * *

"Oh, sorry, please excuse me!" he apologized, flustered, bending down to help up the girl he'd bumped into after leaving the convenience store. "Are you OK, er... Miss? Ah, wait! I-I'll help, don't worry..." Shinpachi started helping pick up her fallen shopping with his other hand.

Huh, that sure was a lot of... anpan?

"It's OK, Shinpachi-kun, I'll help too."

"...Huh?" Shinpachi blinked, stunned, as the girl started picking up his own fallen shopping. Wait a second, that voice sounded familiar, and those droopy eyes... "Ya..._Yamazaki-san?!_"

"Oh... You didn't recognise me at first, huh?" Yamazaki chuckled, taking Shinpachi's hand in his (hers?) and helping him up. Ah. He didn't realise he'd fallen on his butt like an idiot in the shock.

"N...No. Of course I wouldn't, y-you're... er..." _Cute!_ He was cute! _Extremely_ cute, even! What part of Yamazaki-san who was even plainer than himself translated into a twintail girl with a huge rack?! What part? How was that fair? How was that possible? Gin-san was the main character; Okita-san was handsome to begin with, at least _they_ had an excuse to be so well end-

"Shinpachi-kun? Is something wrong?"

"Ah! N-Nothing," he spluttered, feeling his face heat up. He quickly let go of Yamazaki's hand, taking back his shopping. It had been soft... A woman's hand felt nice, even if the person it belonged to wasn't exactly... "W...Well, I'd better get going..."

"Huh? But it's been a while since we last saw each other. I wanted to ask how things have been."

Yamazaki had fallen into step beside him before he could get a word in edgewise, hiding a playful smile behind a pink kimono sleeve as passers-by gave them looks. Did that old lady just say "What a cute couple"?! _Imagine him as a guy again and it'll go away_, Shinpachi told himself, squeezing the shopping bag tightly and fixing his eyes on the ground.

But no matter how many times he thought it, his face only burned even hotter for the entire walk back to the dojo.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Whether You Only Smile Or Frown, You'll Still Get Wrinkles  
Prompt: Superior/subordinate  
Rating: T  
Pairing: Okita/Hijikata(/Yamazaki)  
Length: 100 words (drabble)

Notes: This is some kind of AU of the Two Years Later arc, so it's Bakaiser!Okita, etc.

* * *

That stupid smile is infuriating.

Not that he wasn't already infuriating, but it was just like that bastard to find a way to piss him off even more once he'd finally overtaken his position.

No matter what it never leaves his face, whether forced to kneel, grovel or anything further. But not for lack of trying. If Okita of all people isn't sadistic enough to find a way to make him react, he'll strip himself of his self-appointed title.

Hijikata's unfazed expression remains as he bends down before him. With any luck, it won't much longer.

"Yamazaki, hold him down."


	4. Chapter 4

Title: The Male Equivalent Of A Cameltoe Is A Moose Knuckle  
Prompt: Write something based on these pictures: sheepskeleton.(tu)(mblr).com(/)post/183004539605  
Rating: K+?  
Pairing: None (Gintoki&Hijikata, but could be read as shippy)  
Length: 323 words

* * *

"Oi, Hijikata-kun, how long do we have to hold these poses? My legs are killing me, and my balls are chafing. They're gonna shrivel up and die."

"Don't ask me, stupid perm-head, I'm not the photographer! And it's your fault I got dragged off the street with you to this weird photo shoot in the first place!"

"Shut up! Don't complain when you got the easier pose! Owww, my arm! Oi! Can I swap with him?!"

"It's almost perfect, Sakata-san, just give me a more natural expression! This photo shoot's theme is the duality of man. Dark and light. The constraints on the soul. Try to reflect that on your face."

"It's reflecting the constraints on my balls! Just take the picture already!"

Snap!

"Boss, I think that perm-haired guy is gonna have to sit the next shoot out. I think he's passed out. Some part of him has passed out."

"Tch... Alright. Well, the other guy was better at this, anyway. Much more expressive, a true natural who becomes one with his craft."

"No, I think his leg's asleep. His leg is definitely asleep. He was just trying to hide his discomfort."

"It's fine, it's fine. He'll find a way to make it work. Oh! Very good, Hijikata-san! Such an elegant pose, draped over the stairs! You have the makings of a model!"

"He just fell over. His arms were asleep too."

"Can I... Go home now? Ow! Yorozuya! Where did you come fr-"

"Hiiiijikata-kuuun... I'm only getting paid for this if both of us stay and do this whole photo shoot. That's what they said from the beginning, right? You remember, right? Putting dinner on the table takes priority over either of our k*ntama going numb in these tight-ass leggings right now. You're not going anywhere, bastard."

"Oh! Such an expressive and natural scene of conflict! I can feel the passion of the human soul. Carry it into your next picture, too!"


	5. Chapter 5

Title: If You Live In Antarctica You'll Never Get A Snow Day  
Prompt: 'Baby it's cold outside'  
Rating: K+  
Pairing: Yamazaki/Shinpachi  
Length: 1086 words

Notes: This prompt came from a prompt generator. The challenge was to write the first prompt you got.  
Set some time after Owee arc.

* * *

It was just their luck that their hopeless Commander had decided to hole himself up at the home of that unfortunate woman he was stalking on New Year's Eve - and just Yamazaki's luck it was him they chose to send on the wild gorilla chase while everyone back at the station sat fidgeting for the drinking to start. If they hadn't already given up in the time it took him to drive all the way out here to Kabuki-cho, though, he'd quit playing badminton during practice for a week.

Rubbing his bare hands together for warmth as he stood waiting at the dojo's entrance, Yamazaki hoped he wouldn't have to stay outside much longer. But soon enough the gates opened, and an unexpected but familiar face came out to greet him. Ah – it sure was easy to forget that gorilla woman their gorilla Commander liked was related to someone like Shinpachi-kun, plain member of the Yorozuya and more recently, his one-time rival. Shinpachi was bristling in the cold as he came through the gates, murmuring something to himself like _Who could it possibly be at this time of..._ until he spotted Yamazaki and his eyes lit up behind his glasses in surprise.

"Hello, Shinpachi-kun," Yamazaki stepped forward and quickly bowed, "Sorry to bother you, but I'm here for... Oh, right- Happy New Year's, by the way."

"Eh? Yamazaki-san, what are you doing here? Ah, Happy New Year, too..." Shinpachi returned the bow politely, but didn't look any less confused.

"Oh! You remembered me!" It was enough to make Yamazaki grin like an idiot; he couldn't help it. "I'm happy."

"Er, yes... So, what are you here for?"

"Sorry, sorry," he laughed. "Anyway, I was sent here because our gori...Commander is missing, and, well, we all figured there was only one place he could possibly be at this time. So if it's not too much trouble..."

"Ah, I see. Well, come inside, then." Shinpachi smiled, gesturing towards the door. "It's no good standing out in the cold, anyway. You must be freezing without a coat!"

"I...I'm fine, really," Yamazaki tried to insist as he followed. Wow- how long had it been since he last spoke to someone normal, level-headed, and genuinely concerned about his well-being? ...Probably the last time he talked to Shinpachi-kun, of course, since Shinpachi-kun was the only person like that he knew. He'd really forgotten how relaxing it was to talk with him.

"Huh? What's Jimmy doing here?" That China girl was sitting at the kotatsu behind a mountain of orange-peels, eyeing him suspiciously as he walked into the main room with Shinpachi. The Yorozuya's gigantic dog was curled around her, and Danna was snoring soundly folded over its back with a bottle of sake in his grip. How irresponsible was that guy? The night had barely started and he'd already-

"Aneue's in the kitchen..." Shinpachi's face was bright as ever, but his tone was dire. "Making... soba."

Glancing at Danna again, Yamazaki nodded in grave understanding.

Soon remembering why he was here, he cleared his throat loudly and looked around the room. "Commander? Commander? Please come out, now. Everyone's waiting. Hijikata-san is holding everybody's alcohol consumption at swordpoint for you. Please, have some sympathy..."

Yamazaki received no answer no matter how much he called, however, and he sighed in defeat. "Alright. Well, if anyone knows where he is, it's probably your sister. Maybe I should go into the kitchen and ask..."

Shinpachi whipped around.

"_Don't go in there._"

"Yeesh! Er... Alright, I'll take your word for it. But what should I do now? I can't go back without the Commander, but if he won't come out..." Yamazaki sighed again. "I guess I'd better go back, now. I don't want to be a bother or anything..."

"Huh? But it's cold outside. I should at least bring you some tea, Yamazaki-san." Shinpachi placed a hand on his shoulder and his usual reflexes almost made him jump before he registered the touch as completely nonthreatening. "Aneue will be out of the kitchen eventually, so until then, you can be our guest."

"R...Really?" Yamazaki had to double-take at hearing that. Shinpachi-kun really was a kind person... "Thank you, but I can't possibly..."

Howling wind rattled the walls from the snowstorm outside, battering against the windows.

"You'll freeze to death if you go out in that, Yamazaki-san!" Shinpachi fussed. "Don't worry, I'll make sure you leave before Aneue offers any of her cooking."

"...Is it really OK?"

Though somewhat reluctant, slowly he let Shinpachi guide him and settled down under the kotatsu, the heat rushing up his spine and making his body go slack. After coming in from the cold, Yamazaki felt like he'd never leave this spot for the rest of his life now – how was he going to get himself up once he tracked Kondo-san down? Ahh, never mind that. It was so nice and warm...

He didn't realise when Shinpachi was back with the tea already until he heard a nearby chuckle and sat up properly again, embarrassed. Even if he'd been invited, he wasn't supposed to be relaxing!

"Here, Yamazaki-san, Kagura-cha—oh, she's asleep now, too." Shinpachi laughed again, setting the tea down on the table. "I guess it's just the two of us."

"T-Thank you, Shinpachi-kun..." Yamazaki took his cup with a smile, sipping it slowly. "I guess it is."

Outside the snowstorm was picking up, making him doubly glad he wasn't driving in that miserable weather again. Well, he'd have to eventually, but at least for now, thanks to someone's hospitality, he could stay warm.

_Yamazaki..._

A single, manly tear fell from Kondo's eye as he watched the two still awake at the kotatsu hold a lively conversation over a game of Uno.

_I see how it is... I didn't think you would do something like this for my sake. I'm glad..._

He sniffled, wiping his running nose as he peered wistfully through the window.

_If Otae-san accepts you as a brother-in-law, then Shinpachi-kun will accept me as one, too..._

_Ah, that thought is enough to warm my heart._

_Yes, it fills me with warmth..._

_...Even out here, completely naked, in these sub-zero temperatures._

"Otae-saaan! How much longer do I have to stand out here with this soba on my head? Is it chilled yet?! Are you sure chilled soba tastes good?! Otae-saaaaan!"

The next day, Ketsuno Ana reported a breaking news story on a gorilla found encased alive inside a block of ice.


	6. Chapter 6

**WARNING: Spoilers for post-Silver Soul Arc.** Don't read if you haven't caught up yet!  
Title: In The Dead Of Winter, The Portable Heater Is The Source Of Life  
Prompt: 'Careful snuggling'  
Rating: T?  
Pairing: Yamazaki/Shinpachi  
Length: 532 words

Notes: I wanna write all the Mobcop!Zaki fic. And I wish there was more stuff with timeskip Shinpachi too! Fandom, why you sleeping on that puberty black magic  
Writing something a bit more angsty for this ship feels weird but it turns out it's possible!

* * *

"Of course I don't mind it," Shinpachi replied into the crook of his neck, tightening his arms around him. The hard metal of his torso was softened slightly by the clothing layered over it, but it didn't make it any less solid, the ridges still poked through when the other ran his hands over them, tracing the lines and cracks.

"You're... You're really sure?" Shinpachi's hands that were gently caressing his chest were smooth, flesh and blood, larger than two years ago, stronger from training. Yamazaki can't remember how his own used to look when he tries to think about it, leaving an emptiness gripping the core in his chest where his heart would be. He can only frown in disappointment at the ones he has now, made of sharp, blocky edges and joints. Something like this wouldn't be comfortable at all to hold Shinpachi-kun's with; wouldn't it pinch, wouldn't it dig in?

But he wants to return the touch even so, and carefully, gingerly places it on top of the other's as a compromise, holding himself back from squeezing it like he wishes he could.

"I keep telling you, Yamazaki-san," Shinpachi returns, brushing his hair over his ear and placing a kiss to it. The skin tingles and his face heats up just like it would on a human, but even then it isn't, it's not his _real_ body but some replacement made offscreen, and who knew if he'd ever get his real one back?

"I hope..."

"...You get your real body back. I know. But this is the one you have right now, isn't it?"

"Look, look, Shinpachi-kun. You keep telling me you're totally fine with robots, but you mean the kind that wears a cute apron and says 'Welcome home master', right? Or ones that have a switch on their crotch or something like that, right? I'm not that type at all!"

"Yamazaki-san, my otaku interests aren't that shallow. Gintama was animated by Sunrise, you know. I like G*ndam, too!"

"I'm a _R*bocop_ expy!"

"But there's no reason you _can't_ wear an apron and say 'Welcome home, master'-"

"Like hell I'll do that!"

"Ah... Worth a try." Shinpachi laughed, snuggling closer. "You're all warm again, Yamazaki-san."

"W...Warm?"

"Yeah. You don't know? Your body heats up a lot when you get all flustered. It's like a heater... it's really nice."

"I didn't really realise..." Yamazaki swallowed. "You like it?"

Shinpachi tried his best to turn him over despite how heavy he was but he got the hint, turning and coming face-to-face with the other's soft smile. Even if Shinpachi-kun had gone through plenty of changes himself, that part hadn't, and Yamazaki was glad for it.

"It makes no difference to me. You're always Yamazaki-san no matter how much you change. Even Yamazaki-san couldn't stop being Yamazaki-san. And I like Yamazaki-san, so you'd better not."

"...Shinpachi-kun." Yamazaki sniffled, starting to tear up, and finally returned the embrace, throwing his arms around Shinpachi and pulling him into his chest. "T-Thank you, Shinpachi-kun...!"

"Ow! Too hard! You're squeezing too hard!"

"S-Sorry! I still can't control my strength sometimes... Ah, if it weren't for this body..."

"...We're back to square one now."


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Both Kinds Of Swords Can Be Used For Fighting  
Prompt: 'sexy samurai'  
Rating: K+  
Pairing: None  
Length: 417 words

Notes: I couldn't not do this prompt title.

* * *

"Bwahahaha! What did you just say, Gin-chan?!"

"What part didn't make any sense to you? Gin-san's only trying his best to put food on the table for you brats, as always. How many weeks in a row have we lived on egg on rice now? Huh? Show some more appreciation."

"But Gin-san, that's really a bit..."

Shinpachi and Kagura were still trying their best to hold back their laughter at the photograph Gintoki was holding up - a suggestive pinup of himself posing on a cliff with his shirt and sleeve off, exposing his muscular figure. 'January' was printed at the top of the image.

"Pattsuan, you have the least male sex appeal among the regular cast of Gintama, so it's alright to be jealous. You might've appeared in the half-naked fanservice ending, but so did Prince Hata, so that was pretty much a consolation."

"D-Don't say that! And the movie upgraded me, didn't it?! I'll catch up! I'll catch up one day, just you wait! Anyway, how did you sign yourself up to model for a 'sexy samurai' calendar? And why was someone even making one?"

"Who cares about that?" Gintoki put down the photo, reclining in his chair and throwing one leg over the other. He suddenly grinned, reaching into his kimono and slamming down a thick stack of bills onto the desk. "They paid me out the ass! And I'll get more when I go in again next week!"

Turning their backs to Gintoki, Kagura and Shinpachi huddled close together, Kagura narrowing her eyes and muttering under her breath.

"Something about this feels wrong to me, Shinpachi. Gin-chan is selling his body for cash."

"You're right, Kagura-chan. What will the execs say?"

"The photographer lady is a bit too enthusiastic, y'know - she was all like, 'Gin-san, you're so hot!' 'Gin-san, put your sword on full display.' 'Gin-san, pose with a whip next!' 'Look at me- I mean, the camera like it's trash!'" Screwing a finger into his ear, he looked to the side. "What a creeper, right? But, whatever. As long as I get paid. Actually, it was weird. Zura tried to apply too, saying something about being willing to strip bare to represent the soul of Edo with his body, but they declined because they wanted models with permed silver hair only. I sure got lucky, huh?"

Shinpachi's eye twitched as he looked up at the ceiling. He swore he could hear a familiar ecstatic giggle from inside the crawl space.

"...You sure did."


	8. Chapter 8

Title: Reheated Leftovers And Low-Budget Anime Adaptations Are Both Worse In Flavour  
Prompt: Teens romancing adults  
Rating: K  
Pairing: Shinpachi/Yamazaki  
Length: 583 words

Notes: Sometimes it sucks having your age frozen in time by gag anime laws.

* * *

"I-If it's OK, then please take this..."

Shinpachi held out the covered bowl with his head bowed, hiding his red face.

"H...Huh? That's for me?"

_'Each time, I can't wait for it to end so I can eat real food again',_ Yamazaki had said when he'd told Shinpachi about how much he hated restricting his diet to anpan and milk every time he went on a stake-out, only to shoot down his horrified and concerned reaction.

After spending more time together, after getting to know each other better, after something started growing inside Shinpachi that at first he'd tried to ignore, and he noticed himself feeling more and more upset every time he saw Yamazaki-san looking like the living dead post-stakeout, sunken eyes and hollow cheeks and blotchy skin, he had decided to do something about it.

It sure was a good thing Gin-san and Kagura-chan hadn't cared in the slightest when Shinpachi suddenly decided to take over cooking for the following weeks, the two lazy bums thankful to be relieved of their responsibility and clueless to his real motive of getting the practice in for the day he knew the next stake-out would end.

It was a good thing they were clueless to the crush he'd recently developed, too.

_'Shinpachi would make a good housewife one day, huh?'_ Kagura-chan had said, standing beside him picking her nose as he chopped up some vegetables. _'Too bad he'll never get married.'_

It was _definitely_ good they didn't twig a thing when he almost chopped his fingers off at those words and his face went beet-red, the other two just laughing off the reaction as Typical Shinpachi.

(All he had to do today was lie through his teeth that he was making something for Aneue and they let him off with a half-hearted siscon joke, no questions asked)

Even though Shinpachi was shaking now, he managed a nod in response to the question.

"Adults are supposed to know how to take care of themselves, you know, Yamazaki-san," he scolded, but too softly to bite any, "I already deal with one common sense-less idiot who claims to be one every day at work. Don't follow his example..."

Slowly Yamazaki's hands took the bowl, and Shinpachi carefully looked up to see him staring at it in stunned silence, eyes wavering with... disbelief? Happiness? It had to be either one of those-maybe both. Shinpachi gulped. Hopefully more of the latter.

He was more than glad for the cold weather giving him an excuse for how red his cheeks were when Yamazaki-san thanked him profusely, bowing multiple times. His chest felt light, burning hot, at the other's grateful smile beaming at him. It felt surreal to Shinpachi that everything had gone off without a hitch even though it was his first time doing something like this and without anyone's help or advice, even though he'd been so nervous about it. Maybe, just maybe, these feelings weren't as hopeless as he worried they were...?

"No need to thank me," Shinpachi waved his hands insistently. "Anyway, make sure you eat it while it's still hot, OK?"

"OK. Really, thank you so much-" Yamazaki's smile brightened again, "You're a good kid, Shinpachi-kun!"

Shinpachi watched the other hurry away, carefully protecting the bowl in his arms.

He hoped Yamazaki-san would be able to eat it soon, and that it would warm him up, even if that single small word had so quickly left himself freezing cold with hopelessness again.

_Kid._


End file.
